"Living Your Life to the Fullest"

Ever wonder how you can tell if you’re living your life in the best possible way? There are some pretty good indicators, and I’ll tell you what they are.

If you know about the work I do, or if you’re a regular receiver my newsletter, you probably know that I believe it’s up to you to create a life that works, that feels right, and that makes you happy. But how in the world can you tell if you’re living your life to the fullest? Well, there are some questions you can ask yourself that will pretty much tell you what you need to know.

For example:

-          Are you doing what you love most of the time? All of us do some things we don’t much care for, but if that’s all you do, you’re in trouble.

-           Do you feel comfortable most of the time? Sure, everyone gets nervous sometimes, but the vast majority of your days shouldn’t be filled with anxiety or fear.

-          Are you willing and able to take risks? - Do you feel free to make mistakes without causing harsh criticism or catastrophe?

-          Do you cut yourself enough slack to fail from time to time without making any undue fuss about it?

-          Do you feel optimistic about the future, and confident that your plans will come to fruition?

-           Do you feel that your life is one in which you can be your best self?

If you have answered “no” to any of these questions, it is important to realize that you are not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by tolerating these conditions. Maybe it’s time to make some changes. Give it some thought.

That´s all very well, I can hear you saying into the newspaper, but my reality does not allow that.  This is a trap we allow ourselves to get into.  We are in charge of our situation, not the situation in charge of us.  We have made choices that have got us into our present situation whatever it is, looking back and wishing things were different, will not change anything nor will being an ostrich and burying our heads and saying there is nothing I can do about it……because there is!!!!!

If you ask any tailor or seamstress they will tell you that a pattern can be laid out several ways on a piece of material, the more knowledge and skills you have to more choices you have.  Learning to make adjustments and look at things in a new way, but to get the result you want is important.

This comes in all areas of our lives, when we are not happy, or settled in ourselves then we are not much good in relationship around us.  Anger, frustration, all gets aimed at our nearest and dearest, this adds to their burden, and then we feel guilt.   The cycle is perpetuated……and gets bigger.

In these times of tightening belts and cutting out luxuries it is easy to let yourself feel hard done by!  It is easy to lose sight of the things that we do actually have and should be grateful for.  They may not be the things we want, but until we get the things we want, be thankful for the things and people who are there.

It is easy to get involved into the way of thinking about what we don´t have and the things that we do not want to happen, but just flipping the thoughts you allow yourself to have, the positive side will then win.  Positive attitude automatically causes our brains to produce hormones that make us feel good, which in turn increases our vitality, energy and drive. Hey presto…….a new outlook on the same situation.

I hear so many people say I will be happy when, I am an adult, I am in a relationship, I am married, I am divorced, I have lost 10 lbs, or even some want to gain that weight, when my hair is straight or curly, when I have a new car, when I can live in a certain type of house, when the kids are grown, when I retire……..at sometime for all of us when I am living in Spain!!!!

Happiness and change start from within each and everyone of us, if you are waiting for somebody to have a magic wand to cause your happiness, then you are going to wait all your life, what a waste as we only get one chance at it……..no guarantees, no time limits, just each day we open our eyes we have a new opportunity to make today how we want it, make it different and enjoy it.

What are you going to achieve today….and the next, and the next….

From a Grain of Sand

The oyster gets one tiny grain of sand inside the shell and that grain of sand then irritates the soft, velvety interior of the oyster; to stop the uncomfortable invasion the oyster starts to cover the grain of sand with a smooth coating.  Turning this intrusive grain into one of the world´s precious stones; something wonderful is caused by the oyster having something happen to it, which caused it discomfort, then finding a way to make it better for itself and for others as well.

Does this sound like something we all do to?  When life gives us something that makes us uncomfortable, we find a way to feel better. We look at ways to smooth it over and get on with our life.  This often causes some sort of changes for us and within us.  As time passes we can look back and see that where we are now, is because of all the uncomfortable situations have caused us to be stronger, learn more and become who we are.  No pearls are the same, no people are the same, no two experiences are the same, but something good can always come of each and every one.

The pearl does not form over night or in a hurry, we do not develop in a hurry either.  This world in now run on speed, fast food, fast communications, fast marriages and quickie divorces, you can even get a degree in 4 weeks on the internet….well to be honest there is not much that you cannot get on the internet!!! Are they worth what they seem to be worth?  We all know that fast food is the world´s worst food nutritionally and for our health, but they are still one of the biggest growth industries on the planet, so we really do not always do what we know is good for us.

This last week I finally managed to catch up with a friend that I have not seen for a while, we sat and chatted for five and a half hours.  It only stopped then because the bar owner wanted to go home!!!  A comfortable chair, in front of a roaring fire, good friend and a bottle or two of vino how great is that!! So why do we leave things that give us great pleasure to the bottom of our own TO DO lists?  We get so wound up in the irritants of life, dealing with things we seem to feel guilty when we have some “pleasure” time.  Mind you the head was not so pleasurable the next day……but it was worth it!!!

On Sunday I got up to a sun filled day with blue skies, it is a definite feel good factor.  I spent the day doing jobs in the house and in the garden again for one reason or another had been left for a while, but every hour or so I stopped made a cuppa and sat and  really looked at my surroundings, we often take people and things for granted,. This week I have rediscovered the pleasure of friendship, the gratitude of what I have and the life I lead.  How easy it has been to get involved in  or focused on the pain or discomfort that life does give us and lose sight of all the good things, all of us are making pearls but at times all we see are the grains of sand.

Will or Won't Power

"Using stubbornness to your Advantage"

Has anyone ever called you stubborn? Would you describe yourself that way? If so, you may be in luck when it comes to making positive changes.

Some people find themselves in trouble a lot because of a personality characteristic that they call stubbornness. You’ve heard of will power. Well, stubbornness is a kind of “won't power.” It causes you to dig in and refuse to budge, and sometimes it drives other people crazy.

But, as Roger and McWilliams point out in their book, Life 101, “Just as fear is also excitement, stubbornness is also determination. It’s simply a matter of shifting the focus from ‘won't power’ back to ‘will power.’ Rather than, ‘I won't get fat,’ change it to ‘I will keep a healthy, slim body.’ Rather than, ‘I won't be around people who don’t support my efforts,’ say ‘I will seek out people who help me do what I want to do in life.’ It’s just a matter of finding the positive opposite and focusing on that, rather than aligning yourself with a negative. Stubbornness, if you use it to advantage, will stand you in good stead when it comes to achieving your goals and living out your values.”

Imagine yourself stubbornly refusing to accept anything but the best in life. Imagine yourself stubbornly holding on to your program of self-improvement and personal growth no matter what. You see what I mean. If you shift your energy from stubbornness to determination, you’ll be doing yourself a big favor.

The great news is this works in all areas of your life, this “trait” has been known to run through out my family, my grandmother was widowed at the age of 32 with 5 children, in those days there were no Benefits, so she had to work hard. My mum had a terrible accident when she was 16 in a paper bag factory her hand got caught in a machine and only through the “stubboness” of her mum refusing to have her hand amputated did she keep it and although never fully recovered the use of it, my mum managed to work, knit, sew all her life. I was taught from an early age to stick at things, see them through, so when there have been times in my own life when I have needed to stick my own heels in and dig down deep inside for that determination, it has always been there.

Just this last weekend, I volunteered in a moment of madness to participate in the 15km walk for charity around Torrmendo lake, although I train regularly walking distances is not in my usual programme. Sunday came, thankfully not raining, got to the starting point and off we go a nice group of us. No sooner had we started but found the ground beneath us was far from solid!!! This is the first walk I have done with diving boots, the soil was wet and heavy mud.

On we went, up slight hills, sliping and squelching along, but the views were amazing and the people I met along the way were friendly and the time seemed to pass easily. By the half way mark I was beginning to feel the full on my muscles, but my stubbon streak set in, there is no way I am asking to get a lift back!!!! So on we went, finally the home stretch was in sight, I stepped up the pace and finished with flying colours, but a gentleman I had been walking with for a lot of the walk had decided to sprint the last uphill part, my won't power came into play there, I will walk it!

After we had finished I found out that this gentleman was 73 years old, now that is what I really call “will” power. It shows no matter how old you are and whatever it is you want to achieve get your “will”power into gear and full speed ahead......

Face Your Fear

I have just sat and watched the King´s Speech, with its 12 Oscar nominations, all may I say well deserved; it had me enthralled from start to finish. The more I watched it, the more I saw the courage of this man, who just by choices made by others was placed upon our throne.

His story of self doubt and lowered self esteem however is no different to you or me. Life teaches us things along the way and all the money and affluence cannot change that. It is what we retain from those experiences that make us who we are.

No baby is born with any phobias, they are not racist, sexist, homophobic, nor are they born with a stutter, these are all taught by others and accepted by the individual.. Stutters, and twitches are all related to brain function that is why they can be provoked by trauma at any age. These are not to be confused with medical conditions such as cleft palate. Most physical conditions that impede speech are visible from birth.

If like me, you have no memory of George VI as a monarch and his wife Elizabeth was always an old lady, so learning about them as young people was quite an eye opener and helped me understand why the Queen Mother was such a loved person with older generations.

Cruelty, bullying and over powering people can easily bruise and have long term effects on the minds of children. In King George the VI´s case it was a Nanny, every time he was presented to his parents she pinched him to make him cry, so he was handed straight back to her and his parents displeasure was felt, he accumulated the rejections and the preferences for his brother. This Nanny did not leave it there, she then punished him for his bad behaviour by not feeding him. This went on for three years before his parents realized, a huge amount of damage was done in that time.

His father was a stern man who found his son’s speech difficulties tiresome, which only caused the young man more fears and increased the stammer. The reality is that speaking in public is a tremendous gamble every time, to be faced with your worst nightmare along with all the world listening to you must have taken incredible strength and determination.

Rejection is one of the biggest fears of humans, it is physically painful. Plus it stays in our memories as well, so we reinforce the fear every time we think about it. Speaking to one person and getting rejected is like being stabbed, so Public Speaking is like putting yourself up there to be stabbed many times over (and it does happen), so why do people do that unless of course you are a King, Politician, World leader etc….. Because good communication is essential to life, we all do it all day, every day some better than others.

This man who had to change his public name from Albert to King George, because it was seen as more patriotic, stood before a Nation, Commonwealth and the World to motivate people into winning a World War against bullying and dictatorship, by conquering all his own demons and using the tool that had caused him so much pain and anguish…..his voice.

Imagine your worst fear and then having the world watch whilst you faced it…..that will give you just an inkling what this man went through…..or there again you can watch the film and thanks to modern technology you can actually hear the King´s Speech in his own words on You Tube, or from the BBC Pathe Archives.

There are many motivators and influencers in the world, many great names but none more worthy than our own amazing monarch King George VI

Reboot Your Life

We all get stuck in ruts from time to time. We get off track and lose sight of the life we meant to live. I know I'm probably not the only one who has wished that I could find a reset button for life.

While we can't exactly travel back in time, there's certain ways we can "reboot" our lives.

First step is to set aspirations that come from your heart and what you value most. Then just take it one day at a time. Think small, act big.
Here are some suggestions for ways you can reboot your life:

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Health:
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* 30 Days to Health. Choose a month to start new eating habits. Maybe you want to become vegetarian, vegan or completely raw. Or maybe you just want to eliminate processed foods like; frozen food, chips, soft drinks, sweets, biscuits, white flour and essential junk foods.

* Go on the Master Cleanse: a 2 to 5 day mono-diet (under supervision) that will help you reboot your health and eating habits. It helps you rejuvenate your body and your mind. When you're not spending your energy on digestion, your body can use its energy to heal itself. It's amazing when you're system is working at an optimum how much time you realize you spend thinking about eating and making food.

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Simplicity:
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* Reassess your mess. Go through all your junk and make 3 piles: toss/recycle, donate, and keep. Throw out or donate or sell anything you haven't used in over a year. The same rule applies
with your cupboards, garage and wardrobe.

* Unwind your mind. We spend a lot of time trying to organize and create more functional living spaces. But we often neglect the most important space we live in: our mind. NOW it's the best time to reboot your mind. Drop disempowering beliefs and drop negativity.

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Relationships:
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* Reconnect. Most of our ambitions are centered around ourselves, but they don't all have to be. Maybe you want to make your resolution to spend more time with your partner or your kids. Maybe you want to create a better relationship with your parents. Or perhaps you just want to dissolve a grudge you've been holding against someone. Now is a good time to forgive and forget.

* Be more romantic. With all our goals surrounding our careers, productivity, and health, it's easy to put romance on the back burner. A few ways to jump start your ideas for rekindling romance might be: giving your lover love coupons, spending more quality time together and dating your partner more often. Even if it just means going out for coffee or watching a movie on the couch together.

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Finance: (Reboot your bank account)
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Here's a great exercise to start:
Take out a paper and draw a line down the middle. Mark the first side as column a, mark the other side column b.

Look over your bank account for the past 30 days and write down all your non-essential purchases in column a. This includes things like unneeded spending on clothes, lattes, junk food, renting movies,
entertainment, gadgets, CDs, etc. Don't include things such as rent/mortgage, utility and phone bills.

Now in column b write down all the things you'd like to have money for to pursue things you're passionate about. This might be thing like dance lessons, tai chi or yoga classes, a mountain bike you get the idea. Try to see what you can remove from column a to make more room for the things in column b.

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Fitness:
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* Maintain the chain. There are so many fitness goals and programs you can get into. If you live anywhere like I do, the guys from 24 Hour Fitness are on the corner downtown recruiting people
like gangbusters. With all these fitness routines and exercises you can find, it's hard to see through the noise. A simplified resolution is to create an exercise chain and all you need is a calendar. Choose one month of the year and make a pact to exercise every day. Each day you exercise, you put an X through that day on calendar. Your job is to not break the chain. I've personally found
this to be an awesome motivator because you can see all the progress you've made and it would hurt too much to break the chain.

* Tap the troupe. It's easy to fall off the wagon when you're going it alone. If you join a local fitness group, you'll have others that will hold you accountable, Weight loss programme with professional support, costs are low but big enjoyment/

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Bonus tips:
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* Automate your answer. A lot of the time we hold ourselves back because we don't have enough information, or we don't know where to start. Instead of letting "I don't know" hold you back,
put yourself on the auto-response "I'll figure it out." Imagine what you could do if you did this. You might be able to have the guts to start that business you've been dreaming about. You could write that novel you've been planning. Or could you take that trip around the world you've been dying for. Make your resolution to not let not knowing where to start keep your from taking action.

* Vaporize virtual living. In the age of email, twitter, social media, instant messaging, text messaging and screen to face, it's hard not to get caught up in living virtually. While there's nothing necessarily harmful or wrong with these things, it's easy to forget the value of real live interaction. You know, actually talking to someone in person. Whatever method you choose to connect, simply connect more. Not just in quantity, but in quality.

Is This THE Year

Happy New Year wishes still ringing in your ears, the results of the Christmas treats on the waist and hips along with the New Year´s Resolutions to be fitter, healthier and lose weight. on your mind.

Is this going to be The Year, is this The One, well the only person that can make that decision is you. You can find support, there is loads of information out there, loads of offers, but the key is yourself. What you really want to achieve and even more important your personal WHY, you need to have a reason to change (whatever change you are making). It does not have to matter to anyone else, but it does to you.

We all have birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Easter, holidays, visitors, these are not reasons not to achieve your goal they are excuses that we use as escape routes. If your WHY is strong enough then you will not devalue yourself for others.

Make time for you, there is no magic wand to losing weight, changing shape or feeling healthier, but it is not as complicated as many think. You do not have to pay out thousands on fad diets and you do not have to make other meals for your family, unless you want to be healthy and they don´t.

Exercise does not have to be running a marathon, even if you have arthritis and major illnesses, laying in bed or sitting in a chair you can exercise. Pop some music on and dance, don´t worry about the neighbours. When the adverts come on the telly do some stretches, small changes done on a regular basis will have profound long term effects. Diving head long into any change with no real reason, you will last as long as your will power and then you will go through the guilt and blame game again.

I was there for many years, each time I made a promise to myself this year will be different, this will be my year, I would struggle through January (especially as it is my birthday in the middle of the month), by February my Bad or Black days are overtaking my good days, by the time March came I was usually heavier than my starting weight in January, feel bad about myself and yet another failure to notch up.

So, why we do that to ourselves? Maybe we are trying to please others, instead of pleasing ourselves, how different would we be if we only did the things we liked, loved, enjoyed and chose to, if you think this is impossible……think again; we have free will, we have choice. What we don´t like doing is accepting responsibilities for the outcomes of our choices, we still like to blame things, people, jobs, Government anything that gets us out of a rut.

Unfortunately the truth is until we accept that responsibility, then we will give in, find excuses and let our goals drift away. No matter what our age, or what we want to achieve, it is never too late or too early to start to take the reigns of our lives.

Sometimes this is where we need the help and guidance, whether it is weight, self confidence, alcohol, drugs, gambling, public speaking , guilt or anger, these are all symptoms of emotional unhappiness.

Go on be honest with yourself, why do you stop yourself doing the things that make you happy. Then just do them, give yourself permission and don´t expect perfection, after all you are human! Then see how much easier it is to achieve your goals.

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